I always think of fabulous things to say on my blog, when I'm not blogging. Things like "Posting procrastination has been prolific! I feel I need to post pretty pictures of perfection in paradise or don't post at all. But we all know that nothing is perfect, or permanent, so please allow me to prattle on about panic in paradise."
OK, that was fun.
Now for the prattling. I woke the other morning and, in my habitual way, brought in the daily paper and glanced at the headlines (you've all seen the gloomy outlook in your news headlines I'm sure) and my emotions tumbled downward and FEAR set in. I wallowed in that for aw
hile, feeling totally insecure and isolated. WHY, WHY, WHY did I give up my secure little world in Washington? Poor me, so far away and disconnected from everybody! I opened my yoga mat and sat and really let myself feel how afraid I was and then began to realize it was the uncertainty and insecurity that the fear grew from. But, I've had enough yoga (and life) training to know that NOTHING is really permanent so my grasping to find security is just a mental practice anyway. I randomly opened one of my books by Pema Chodron, "When Things Fall Apart" and read the following sentence: "The journey of patience involves relaxing, opening to what's happening, experiencing a sense of wonder." This was enough to shrivel the fear back into it's pod to wait for another opportunity to sprout. I am healthy, I have a job, and I have much to be grateful for. Those words I read invited me to shift my perspective in that direction and let go of the panic. I have no control over the happenings in the world and can only control my reaction to them. I will try to remember to react with love and compassion rather than fear and contraction and be aware and awake in the present moment and not dwell on the 'What if's' and 'If only's'. It's not easy and I need to constantly remind myself but I try.
hile, feeling totally insecure and isolated. WHY, WHY, WHY did I give up my secure little world in Washington? Poor me, so far away and disconnected from everybody! I opened my yoga mat and sat and really let myself feel how afraid I was and then began to realize it was the uncertainty and insecurity that the fear grew from. But, I've had enough yoga (and life) training to know that NOTHING is really permanent so my grasping to find security is just a mental practice anyway. I randomly opened one of my books by Pema Chodron, "When Things Fall Apart" and read the following sentence: "The journey of patience involves relaxing, opening to what's happening, experiencing a sense of wonder." This was enough to shrivel the fear back into it's pod to wait for another opportunity to sprout. I am healthy, I have a job, and I have much to be grateful for. Those words I read invited me to shift my perspective in that direction and let go of the panic. I have no control over the happenings in the world and can only control my reaction to them. I will try to remember to react with love and compassion rather than fear and contraction and be aware and awake in the present moment and not dwell on the 'What if's' and 'If only's'. It's not easy and I need to constantly remind myself but I try.OK, that's off my chest. Thanks for listening and now on to other things - weather whining.
If it wasn't for the palm trees in my view I might think I'm still in Seattle. The last 2-3 days have been mostly gray and a little dreary. OK, OK, I know... you guys are still getting snow so it's not exactly like Seattle. We also had about 3-4 days of straight wind that included gusts between 30-50 mph. That got old since it was a constant whistle through my sliding door (or was it ear to ear?). Temperatures were cooler than ever. A record low of 51 was hit one morning. I know, not exactly like Seattle. I'm just saying, it has been cold for here. You just need to know that it's not always blue skies and sunny days here. I haven't had a beach day in over a month! No wonder I'm depressed.
OK, that's it for the down side of things.
I have a job and it's going well. I have gotten the back log of things caught up and am getting it into a flow. I feel like I have a little free time to read, watch movies, walk on the beach (weather permitting :)), yoga practice, wallow in fear, watch bananas grow, or whatever else strikes my fancy. I have been on a couple of whale watching trips and it is fabulous to see the whales close up. I have started using the bus for a portion of my commute. That is giving me a little more exercise because I have a little bit of a walk from the bus stop to work and a portion of the trip where I don't have to watch the road, to say nothing of a little cost and energy savings. I'm trying to do my part to soften my footprint on the island.
A couple of weeks ago it was "Whale Day" in Kihei. (Perhaps gecko day would have been appropriate since they are everywhere!) There was a parade in the morning and then fabulous music, arts/crafts, and food in the park all day long. I was very grateful that I don't work Saturdays anymore or I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the festivities. It was a fun day. I do get tired of doing most things by myself but I'm working on putting a little more energy into connecting with others, at least thinking about it.
The clouds are a little lighter and the sun in trying to shine through so it seems like it's time for a walk on the beach.
Aloha!
